A New Direction

Religious Preferences ? I remember starting at that question on the Air Force enlistment form in front of me. I thought of Dad standing behind the pulpit in our little church, Mom reading Bible stories during breakfast, my years of going to Sunday School classes, countless bedtimeprayers. " Religious preference? " I read again.NONE, I rebelliously scrawled. I think it was right then that I lost my sense of direction.

I was born a "Preacher's kid." When I was young, I did not mind reading the Bible and praying with my family, but as I grew older, I decided it was not for me. I thought Mom and Dad were too religious,Dad was always active with church responsibilities and it seemed we went to church to much too often.
Right after graduating from high school I joined the Air Force.I decided to turn my back on church and do things my own way.
I wanted to disassociate myself from religion completely and succeeded.

When I got out of the service, it was hard to settle down. I decided I had no interest in holding a regular job and I lived on unemployment. About then I started smoking marijuana. Some friends asked me if I wanted to give it a whirl so out of curiosity I tried it.I did not get high the first time I smoked grass so I figured everybody had exaggerated but I decided to continue to smoke it anyway.Things quickly went from bad to worse and I became anxious and despondent about everything.Nothing seemed right anymore. I would think life is hopeless and there is no answer anywhere.When I was in the service I had experienced similar spells of depression but had just fought through them. I thought I could take care of myself in any situation so when I finally felt that things were beyond my control,it was a real let down.

One night a crisis came. I had spent the evening smoking marijuana and when I finally fell into bed it seemed I was just whirling around in space in a nightmare of confusion. In desparation I prayed," God, if you will help me through this night, I will go home and pray! " I hardly slept but the next day I went home.My folks knew immediately that something was wrong with me.
When I went into the house, the radio was on a religious station and it was playing a song that got through to me.
Suddenly I could not take it anymore. I broke down and started crying. My mom asked me if I wanted to pray. I wanted to, and tried, but somehow I just could not get anywhere.

For days I was miserable. There was a struggle going on inside me, I would think, is the Gospel real? The devil really gave me a fight, but I kept praying. Eventually, I realized that all my depression and anxiety had been God's way of talking to me.
Still I was almost afraid to accept the peace God wanted to give me. When I would begin to feel a little better, the devil would quickly say, " See, this religion bit is the same as the grass you smoke! There is nothing to it; it is all in your head! "

On Sunday, a week later, I went to my folks church. As I was praying at the altar I finally realized I had done everything God said to do. I had told Him I was sorry for everything wrong in my life. I had asked Him take my life and give me direction and purpose. He had promised to answer my prayer, and as I believed in His promises, peace and satisfaction came into my heart.
I felt the change take place in one instant time! I was a completely new person. Everthing around me seeemed changed.
Even the faces of people praying for me looked new. Replacing the respondency and despair, God gave me hope, the hope of Heaven. It was wonderful!

At that moment, I began to live again! God showed me that I had been born to live my life for Him. I realized God had a plan for me, and I would be complete misfit unless I was willing to fit into that plan by surrendering my life into His hands. God gave me a new direction that day, and the change He made in my life has lasted. It is hard to believe that so many years have gone by since that event. The lord blessed me with a Christian wife and gave us children to raise for Him. Now we have grandchildren who are being raised in the Gospel! God has been so incrediblygood to me; I cannot even begin to tell all that He has done in my life. I owe Him everything.